I’m someone who overthinks a lot.
Chalk it up to being an introvert, a risk-averse accountant, and a mild perfectionist - I ideate a lot with very little to show for it. In my head, I want to do many things:
Start & run a business
Draw, write, read books more
Learn how to sew
Try other crafting hobbies
Start & run a youtube channel
Essentially, create more. But I end up getting so worked up about the idea that it gets too big, too ambitious, and it gets lost very early on in the ideating phase - defeated by 1) my obsession with the details and 2) my fear of failure. And, at the end of the day, I have a full-time job, I have a family, and I have other priorities in life that always gives me an out, a gentle excuse not to do these things.
Lately however, my evenings are uneventful and after my son has gone to sleep, I find myself consuming. Spending hours consuming when I know I could be creating - consuming my brain-weight in youtube videos and Substack posts from up and down the spectrum of niches - culture essay videos, true-crime psychoanalysis, fashion shopping guides, chess tutorials, and streamer podcasts. Yesterday, I found this youtube channel where the guy owns a 1000 gallon rainforest vivarium and at the level he produces at, he’s a top-notch National Geographic documentarist in my books.
We’re spoiled for content. It’s insane how much content - good-quality content - there is out there, and the added bonus that it’s free?!? (Or at least, feels free.)
And like the uncomfortable feeling you get after eating at a buffet, I’m hit with the “enough is enough” feeling around 9pm, and then I know it’s time to head off to bed. I tell myself that “I can’t do this everyday” and “I should know better” and “I’ll do better next time” - only to find myself back the next night, parked on the same couch with my phone in hand.
And thus…
This is Should Have, Could Have.
In an effort to curb this guilt I have about consuming and my disparity of creation, I’ve decided to start a Substack blog.
I’m trying to make it as easy for me as possible to not think about the “Should have, Could have” too much because I often find myself fixating on the details an idea and end up not executing at all. Hence the name of the blog: a reminder to myself to not aim for creating “amazing” in favour of creating for the sake of creating. A reminder to myself that it’s okay to keep the stakes low, and to not be afraid of failure, poor readership and 0 subscriber counts.
My ultimate goal is to be able to write and post something weekly - a part of that is to overall write more coherently and increase my writing speed by a) improving my writing process and b) not obsessing over my prose too much.
Also, my pseudo-goal c) practicing the art of how to pair visual elements into writing, something I’ve never been comfortable doing because I’m a millennial and camera-shy and also really really bad at memes.
The stuff that interests me and the stuff I likely will write about are:
Fashion
Culture
Food
The latest niche I’ve fallen into
Life
Also, on the “trying to make it as easy for me as possible”: excuse the appearance of things around here, I got lost somewhere on the publication settings page between “Publication details” and “Branding”. I know I don’t need to go ham and spend the time/money to make a custom logo, wordmark (?), and cover page (???), but I thought about it. Am still thinking about it.
I may possibly update the backend in the future, but for now, she’s a plain girl around here.
Should I subscribe?
I’ve been thinking about this question a lot over the course of this week, to the point where it’s reached overthinking territory and I just need to give up on piecing a coherent explanation together into words.
If you want to! It will be pretty much my brain-dump journal so if that interests you, stick around.